Meredith: We have such a... We have a man's kind of guest today. William Shatner is here.
(Cheers and applause)
Meredith: The women love him; the men love him; he's a man. You know, he stars in "Boston Legal"; he's a great guy; remember from "Star Trek"? I did not know this -- little bit of information -- you know what his first job was in television?
Star: What?
Meredith: 1954, "Howdy Doody."
(Audience amazement)
Meredith: Howdy Doody! I know. He played "Ranger Bob."
Elisabeth: Wow.
Meredith: You were not around.
Elisabeth: I was not even an embryo at that time.
Star: I wasn't around.
Meredith: You were not around.
Joy: I was just around.
Meredith: You were just basically around.
Joy: I was in utero!
Meredith: One of the longest careers in Hollywood, and we have him. I'm very excited.
(The start of William Shatner's segment...)
Star: William Shatner has won critical raves, and an Emmy, as an eccentric lawyer and self-described courtroom legend Denny Crane, who's now practicing on the hit show "Boston Legal."
Check him out...
James Spader (right) as Alan Shore
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William Shatner as Denny Crane
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Alan Shore: "Ever appear before a raving loon named Clark Brown?"
Denny Crane: "Oh, plenty of times. Raving loon? Seventy years old, still lives with his mother. What did he do to tick you off?"
Shore: "Humiliated a client, for reasons of pure bile and sport."
Crane: "So, there was a precedent for it. Cited a bunch of cases where the judges shamed the defendant. Right?"
Shore: "Right. How'd you know?"
Crane: "Because the judge, in all those cases --"
Shore: "Judge Brown."
Crane: "Raving loon."
Star: Takes one to know one! Please, welcome back William Shatner.
(Audience cheers and applause)
Joy (left) and Elisabeth greet William Shatner
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Meredith (left) and Star seated with Shatner
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Star: Hello, how are you?
Shatner: Congratulations.
Star: Thank you. Thank you, Bill.
Shatner: Thank you.
Star: So, Thanksgiving is coming up; before we get on and on and on to the brilliance of your career...
Shatner: Oh, my goodness.
Star: ...I hear you make a mean turkey.
Shatner: That's my career.
Star: Is it?
Meredith: Are you great at it?
Shatner: Well, deep-frying a turkey...
Star: The bomb! Oh, yes!
Shatner: ...is a skill...
Elisabeth: The whole thing?
Shatner: ...that is passed down from father to son.
Meredith: Yes.
Star: Tell them how to do it, baby.
Shatner: Well, first of all, you have to have the neck up.
Elisabeth: Ooh.
Shatner: Did you... Are you aware of that?
Star: That way it goes in.
Shatner: Neck up.
Star: Right.
Shatner: Because, when the neck is up, the oil gushes out, and everybody laughs. You know? And we run to the hospital
and treat...
Star: Burns!
Shatner: ...third-degree burns.
(Laughter)
Shatner: You've got to be careful. You've got hot oil. And oil boils at different temperatures, did you know that?
Elisabeth: No.
Shatner: Yeah, I mean, you can boil oil at 300 or 400 --
Joy (somewhat facetious): That's fascinating.
Shatner: Yeah, well, it really is.
(Laughter)
Shatner: Because the hotter you get it, the better the turkey.
Star: What do you inject yours with? Because that's the real tip.
Shatner: Enthusiasm. I inject my --
(Laughter)
Star: No, Bill, come on. You have to have a little spice.
Shatner: Yeah, well, you've got to have the garlic.
Meredith: Mmm-hmm.
Shatner: And you've got to have... the potatoes.
Star: Mmmm.
Elisabeth: You inject?
Shatner: I inject them with potatoes.
Elisabeth: Like with the syringe?
Shatner: You add... fluid... moistness.
Star: Smart.
Shatner: Little bits of pieces of potatoes.
Star: That's smart.
Meredith: That's yummy.
Shatner: And onion. Got to have onion.
Star: Yeah.
Shatner: And you got to keep that... that meat moist.
Meredith: I'm so hungry.
Shatner: You know about moist meat.
Star: Uh-huh. Look at him. He's over here being a bad guy --
Shatner: I am not!
Star: You are -- and I know you!
Shatner: You and your pretzels.
Star: Mmm-hmm. You are bad here.
Shatner (taking Star's left hand): Look at that ring.
Meredith: Isn't that beautiful?
Star: Can we stop it, please!
Shatner: Holy moly, look at that thing.
Star: You just be a bad boy, why don't you. You know, I'm going to start back with "Star Trek", because you're known for your lines, "Beam me up, Scotty." I love that. You know that.
Shatner: Yes.
Joy: Aren't you sick of it?
Star: No, he can't be sick of it.
Joy: I bet he's sick of it.
Shatner: Not when she says it.
Star: Well, I can't say your character's name the way you say your character's name.
Shatner: Oh.
Star: You have this annoying habit of repeating it, again and again and again.
Shatner: Yes.
Star: Show them what I'm talking about.
Shatner: Well, it's all dependent on the mood. I mean, give me a mood. Hit me with a mood and I'll do Denny Crane.
Star: Okay. Um, Denny just got overruled in a courtroom...
Shatner puts on a Denny Crane face.
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Shatner: Denny Crane.
Star: Denny just met a woman that he likes...
Shatner: Denny Crane.
Star: There's a colleague who is annoying to Denny...
Shatner: Denny Crane.
Star: There you go! That's exactly what he does. On "Boston Legal."
(Applause)
Meredith: You know, this show, between you and James Spader, I mean, you are two of the strangest men --
Shatner: No.
Meredith: Now, ... Yes.
Shatner: No, I'm straight and clean and narrow. He's strange. He's really weird.
Meredith: Well...
Shatner: James Spader is a weird guy.
Meredith: But your Denny...
(Laughter)
Meredith: ...your Denny is eccentric, and kind of senile.
Shatner: Senile?
Meredith: Are you anything like him?
Shatner: Yes.
Meredith: Yes?
Shatner: Yes, we have plaque in common.
(Laughter)
Meredith: Are you starting to lose your mind, a little bit?
Shatner: I am.
Meredith: Yeah?
Shatner: It's a continuation, from many years ago. I just keep falling...
Elisabeth: No.
Meredith: Sometimes that's a good thing, though.
Shatner: ...lower
Elisabeth: You are not. I don't think you're losing a thing, because congratulations are in order for your Emmy...
Emmy Award winner William Shatner
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Meredith: Oh, yes.
Star: Absolutely.
Elisabeth: ...outstanding guest actor in a drama series. Hello!
Meredith: Playing Denny.
(Applause)
Elisabeth: I mean, did you think --
Shatner: I... I have this --
Elisabeth: Did you think it would lead to that? I mean, as... being a guest actor, and then having an Emmy follow that; your own series. You are one of the hottest actors on television.
Shatner: I've got a... a new, uh... album out there, called "Has Been"...
Elisabeth: I know!
Star: It's so funny!
Elisabeth: I know!
Shatner: ...that got rave reviews. It got rave reviews.
Star: I know. We actually have a clip of it.
Elisabeth: We do.
Star: You have to listen, you guys...
"Has Been" Soundtrack: Has been. You talking to me? You talkin' to me? You calling me, "Has Been?" What did you say your name is? "Jack." Never done jack. Glad to meet ya. Who's your friend? "Dick." Don't say dick.
(Laughter)
Shatner: Never done jack.
Meredith: Don't say dick!
Star: I love it so much. Do people take it seriously? Because it's hilarious!
Shatner: Well, some of the album is serious, and some of it's for fun. And I got on stage, with Ben Folds, and did a rock 'n' roll number with Joe Jackson; wailed away and had the best time being a rock 'n' roll star for my three minutes. And here I am.
Meredith: But, you also have a great sense of humor about yourself. I don't... I feel like you don't take --
Shatner: There's so much to laugh at!
Joy: You're one of the best actors this year; but, in 2000, didn't you win a Razzie Award for being the worst actor? I hate to bring that up. But, it's funny.
Razzie Award winner William Shatner
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Joy (left) and a mortified Elisabeth
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Shatner: How nice of you. To be... to be --
Joy: You've had your back to me for the entire interview, so now I'm going to get you back!
Shatner: No, I... that's... got my back? No, you got my back.
Joy: Turn and talk to me!
Shatner: I am going to turn and talk to you.
Joy: Well, all right. What about that?
Shatner: The Razzie.
Joy: Yeah, the Razzie.
Shatner: No, no, but, they choose the Razzie because they love you.
Joy: I know. Because, you have a great... You're also selling a bubble-head doll on the web site?
Shatner: No.
Joy: Of yourself? Yes.
Shatner: No. No, no.
Joy: A bobble head.
Shatner: Well, uh, that's from Priceline.com.
Joy: Like one of... Ohh!
Shatner: A bobble head... Priceline.com.
Joy: Are you still working for them?
Shatner: Oh, yeah.
Joy: Oh.
Shatner: Have we had enough talking?
Joy: I'm sorry I brought this whole thing up!
(Laughter)
Elisabeth: I have a question for you, though: Joy, did you know this --
Shatner (to Joy): Got enough?
Elisabeth: Do you know that --
Shatner (to Joy): Can I turn away now?
Elisabeth: No, no, don't turn yet! Don't turn yet, because --
Joy: You can turn. Please, go ahead. Turn away!
Elisabeth: No, no, no!
Shatner: This is such a weird position to be in here, on a sofa!
Joy (facetious): Oh, it's terrible.
Shatner (turning back and forth): "I'm sorry?! What?!"
Elisabeth: Weren't you just a guest photographer, too, for "Playboy" magazine? And what the... What did your wife, Elizabeth, think about that?
Shatner: Well, first of all...
Elisabeth: Because I'd be a little miffed!
Shatner: ...I used a very long lens, and took one shot and then ran.
Shatner: And my wife wouldn't have to worry, because she is so sexy and beautiful that she makes all those "Playboy" models --
Hostesses swooning in chorus: Awww!
Elizabeth and William Shatner
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Star: Gorgeous.
Elisabeth: She is gorgeous.
Joy: You were naked in a magazine?
Shatner: No!
Elisabeth: No, he was the photographer.
Joy (embarrassed): Go ahead.
Shatner (laughing): I'll never turn my back on you again!
Joy: Exactly!
Shatner: I was naked in a magazine?!
Joy: I'm just... Listen, I don't want to start any rumors!
Shatner: No magazine could take that.
Meredith: I was going to say... Would you have a problem with it?
Shatner: Would I have a problem getting naked?
Meredith: Yeah.
Shatner: Yeah.
Meredith: You would. Like in a movie; for a movie, or something?
Shatner: In a double fold, maybe not. But --
(Laughter)
Star: So, I just have a question, though. I hear you're going to have your own reality show next year, is that true?
Shatner: Uh, in March of... on Spike TV, a ground-breaking reality show, that we... we "punked" a whole town, in Iowa. There's some lady from Iowa, here. Uh, Riverside, Iowa -- we went into Riverside, Iowa, pretending that we were going to shoot a movie. But, in fact, we were shooting their reaction to a movie in town.
Meredith: Mmm.
Elisabeth: Oh.
Star: Oh, that's interesting.
Shatner: And, uh, it'll be on in March. Yeah.
Meredith: And were you obnoxious, and all that stuff?
Shatner: It's great fun.
Meredith: That's wonderful. And I understand that you, uh, you finally came into the digital world by getting an iPod? You'd been kicking and screaming; didn't want anything... modern?
Shatner: Well, the problem with the iPod is that it has room for 4000 songs.
Joy: I know!
Elisabeth: It's great.
Joy: Who could listen --
Shatner: Four thousand songs!!
Elisabeth: Not even enough.
Meredith: Start with "Has Been."
Shatner: What do you do with 4000 songs?
Joy: I don't know. Who has time?
Shatner: Exactly! So, I asked someone to lend me their iPod, and I downloaded their 4000 sings...
Star: We love him. I'm getting him out; they're going to keep talking. Our thanks to William Shatner. Be sure to watch "Boston Legal" on Sunday nights at 10:00 PM, right here on the alphabet, ABC. And everyone in our audience is getting a copy of his CD, "Has Been."
(Cheers and applause)
Star: He's the bomb!
(End of Shatner's segment.)
Never done jack? Don't say dick?
Order your own "HAS BEEN" album TODAY...
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